The exchanging of vows is the most important part of your wedding ceremony. It is required by law that, at the very least, you vow to take each other as husband/wife. Apart from that you can make whatever promises you choose. The standard vows, and variations, are still popular, but many couples now choose to write their own wedding vows, especially if you are having a non-religious ceremony.

If you want to write your own, where do you begin? Let’s start with what a vow actually is. Here is the dictionary definition:

vow

/vaʊ/

 noun

1.    a solemn promise.

o    

verb

1.

solemnly promise to do a specified thing; e.g. I promise to love you and cherish you.

There are many variations on the traditional vows, including more modern versions, and these pre-written vows can be a good starting point for you when writing your own. Here are a couple of examples:

TRADITIONAL—non-religious: 

I [name] take you [name] to be my husband / wife; to have and to hold from this day forward; for better for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and cherish you always. I promise you this from my heart and for all the days of my life.

MODERN––(1): 

I [name] take you [name] to be my husband / wife. I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow and forever. I will trust you and honour you. I will love you faithfully through the best and the worst, through the difficult and the easy. Whatever may come I will always be there. As I have given you my hand to hold, I give you my life to keep. This is my solemn vow to you.

MODERN––(2): 

I [name] take you [name] to be my husband / wife, my friend and my love. To share my life with yours, to build our dreams together, to support you through times of trouble and rejoice with you in times of happiness. I promise to treat you with respect, love and loyalty, through all the trials and triumphs of our life together. This is my solemn vow to you.

***

Now that you have a feel for what is needed, here are some tips for writing your own:

·      Your vows can be as long or as short as you like (though it’s a good idea to keep them reasonably brief and avoid references or in-jokes that your audience won’t understand).

·      You may each write your own vows – they do not have to be the same. And you don’t necessarily have to reveal them to each other prior to the ceremony. (But do run them past your celebrant first to ensure the legal requirements have been met).

·      You need to declare your intention to marry each other. I [name] take you [name] to be my [wife/husband].

·      As these are ‘vows’ you have to vow or promise certain things. e.g. ‘I promise to always love you.’ But you can also make some more light-hearted or personal promises, e.g. ‘I promise to always laugh at your jokes’.

·      You may include some words about what your love means to you, and about your special relationship.

·      You don’t need to be a great writer. Simply say what is in your heart, and your vows will be authentic and sincere.

·      Search the Internet for inspiration––there is lots!

As your celebrant, I like to receive a copy of the vows you have written, before the ceremony. I will print them on attractive, heavy-grade paper (so it doesn’t show if your hands are shaking! And they won’t flap in the wind if we’re outdoors). This is one less thing you have to worry about on the day, and I give them to you as a lovely memento to keep.