This is a question I see over and over again in wedding discussion groups. And the short answer to the question “is it okay to ban children from your wedding?” is: Yes! It’s your wedding day, your rules, your preferences, and so your day to do as you choose. It might not make for the most popular decision with some of your friends and family, but let’s face it, whatever you do you’re not going to please everyone, so go ahead and do what you want. And, in the current COVID-19 climate, when wedding guest numbers may be a critical factor for whether your wedding can go ahead, this may also be one way to keep numbers down.
Kids or No-Kids
Banning children from your wedding, doesn’t mean you don’t like them! So using the word “banned” on your invitations is probably not the best move. Make it clear that you are planning an adults-only event, and much though you love your guests’ little ones, this day is not for them. And it’s not negotiable.
By their very nature babies, toddlers and younger children are unpredictable, restless, loud, and have a tendency to be un-cooperative, especially at formal events which require a period of quietness and stillness. Let’s face it, they are still learning society’s rules of appropriate behaviour and it’s a huge ask to expect them to behave like adults.
A couple of things to think about if you’re going for an outright ban. While some of your friends and family members might enjoy the idea of attending a wedding without their own children, do bear in mind that you might alienate some good friends or family members who have children. There may be some people who cannot get childcare or who simply don’t want to leave their kids behind for an entire day, or longer. If you’re having a destination wedding, some links to a local babysitting service may be helpful for guests who can’t leave their children behind.
So you’ve got to weigh up which is more important to you, not having children present or potentially not having good friends and family with children present at all. I have also had weddings where most children have been banned except for new-born babies and a couple of nieces and nephews of the couple, or children who are part of the wedding ceremony, such as flower girls and page boys (or flower boys and page girls!). So sometimes, banning children doesn’t need to be an outright exclusion of all children, but just a reserved invitation for the children of your closest family and friends.
Particularly when the couple getting married have young ones of their own, they may be very happy to go with the more relaxed vibe of a child-friendly wedding. You may have a big network of family and friends with children, and this is part and parcel of how you see your wedding. As long as you are happy to expect the unexpected, this can add a fun and relaxed vibe to your day.
Whatever you decide, there are pros and cons, but you have to go with what is right for you and not feel pressured to include children when you really don’t want to. If you feel that you have no choice but to have children present then think about what provisions and plans you can have in place to make it a smoother process. And don’t be afraid to have rules/guidelines in place to help parents to help you have a nicer wedding day experience that isn’t marred by bad or disruptive behaviour by children.
And if you do decide to say no to children, then go for it! It’s your day, you’re paying for it, you’re getting married, the end.